saturday-8 :: family insanity - is it hereditary?



1. my brother got married and didn't tell anyone. in fact, we went out to dinner w/ him and his gf, and they'd been married for 4 days ... AND they said they were planning on getting engaged at the end of march. ??? have you had any 'surprise weddings' in your family? tell us about it. No, I haven't. However, had I been in your shoes, I would have felt hurt and sad that they lied.



2. my brother is obviously very insecure about leaving his gf to go away to boot camp for 3 mos. ... so much so, he felt it necessary to MARRY her after only dating her for a few months. have you ever felt incredibly insecure about a relationship, and what did you do to get over it? Thankfully, I haven't felt insecure, then again, I haven't been in many relationships, either. I've been married 23 going on 24 years.



3. my brother's gf apparently married him for his army benefits. they get their housing paid for, he gets a higher 'married' salary, and health benefits among other things. have you had a sibling get involved with/marry someone when it was painfully obvious that they were using your sibling for monetary (or otherwise) benefits? No, but I have a friend who's brother's in a similar situation. The marriage isn't healthy or happy and the brother's miserable. There's a lot of mistrust and sadness.



4. my mother is resolved to accept the user gf (now wife) no matter what, because the gf married her son. could you accept such a person unconditionally just because they married your child? why or why not? Well, I've done it with my sister so, if I had children, I'm positive that I could do the same for them.



5. even though my brother & the gf lied to BOTH sides of the family, they have not offered an explanation as to why they lied, nor have they offered an apology for the deception. in fact, my brother didn't even have the gonads to call my parents (or me) directly to break the news ... he called our grandparents, who are in poor health. if your sibling lied to you about something, do you go and DEMAND an apology/explanation from them (and the other partie/s involved), or do you wait it out and wait for them to come to you? I'd wait it out. One can demand of another all that one wants, it doesn't mean one will receive the desired result. It will, however, ensure further estrangement.



6. my mother, who unconditionally accepts the marriage, had a hissy fit when i indicated i wasn't going to speak to either my brother or the gf until i got an apology. besides, they both have my #s and my email addys, and have not felt the need to talk to me about it. my mother's hissy fit included expletives and i had to hang up on her. if your mother is still living, have you had to hang up on her? what was that about? if your mother has passed, accept my apologies and tell us about if you've ever had to hang up on a significant other. I've never hung up on my mother, but have done so to my father. He had a drinking problem and would make harassing phone calls.



7. my brother is rash, impulsive, insecure, unmotivated, and a sponge. in fact, my parents have spent tens of thousands of dollars supporting him COMPLETELY while he spent 10 years ... that's right - YEARS ... in college. he has difficulty holding a job because he thinks everyone is out to get him. my father's brother was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, and my brother shows some signs of that although he's never been diagnosed with any such mental illness. do you have mental illness in your family? if so, who is it and what is their diagnosis? if not, do you know anyone with a mental illness? I have a nephew who is schizophrenic. I just visited him at a state institution and it was, well, one of the saddest things I've had to do in a long time.



I didn't tell anyone about the heaviness and sadness in my heart. I didnt' know how to or where to begin. It's difficult to explain. So much sadness. So much pain. Disappointment. Anger. Frustration. Miscommunication. Many lost moments and memories. I can dwell on them and let them beat me down or make the best of a challenging situation. I choose the latter.



8. superbowl 2004 - watch it, or hit the 'queer eye' marathon instead? or neither? what are your plans? We're going to dinner with our comadre and compadre and family. I'm not a football or sports fan so, the whole Super Bowl shindig means zilch to me!