saturday-8 :: risks



my husband moved out, and i (probably stupidly) put an ad out at a hookup site as i'm not looking for anything emotional or to date anyone. so, here is today's saturday-8!



1. have you ever cruised online personals, even if you're married for fun? what was the reason, or if you haven't, why not? Yes. Back in the mid 90s when all of this was just getting started, I read some of the online dating ads. They were hilarious and quite entertaining. Some had so many restrictions, I wondered why they even bothered!



2. have you ever put up an online personal? if so, what was your reason? if not, why not or why wouldn't you do it? No. I've been married for 23 years, so I haven't had a need to or interest in online personals for myself.



I do, however, have a co-worker who regularly dates guys she's met through online personals or in AOL's chat rooms. She's a total trip, too, because she'll have the guy come spend the weekend with her and, if Monday arrives and he's still there, she allows him to stay alone in her home when she comes to work!



3. have you ever answered an online personal? if so, how did it turn out? While I have not, my co-worker, let's name her Ms. X has answered plenty. She has no reservations about sharing with us the details of her exploits and the ups/downs. One guy she "dated" for about a month until he discovered she continued to chat with other men. Never mind that 800 miles separated them!



4. have you ever had a good experience with online dating? if not, have you had a friend/family member have a good experience? tell us about it! Ms X met a guy named Carl from Nebraska, I think. He came and stayed one week. They had a great time and Ms. X and Carl emailed, chatted, and spoke on the phone almost daily. A couple months later, Ms. X took vacation to Nebraska and she stayed two weeks.



Before we knew it, she was talking about not returning. She was ready to quit her job of 17 years and remain in Nebraska. Everyone was concerned and worried that she was being held against her will, etc. since no one had information on Carl or even knew what city he lived in or what he looked like.



Ms. X finally returned home the third week of her unscheduled extended vacation. Seems Carl had a proclivity for multiple sex partners at once with many of his brethren. Suprisingly, Ms. X wasn't hot about this idea. Who knew she had 'limitations'?



5. have you ever had a horrible experience with online dating? if not, has a friend/family member? tell us about it! Ms. X dated a guy who photographed her in the nude, as she slept, and threatened to send the photos to her employer and friends when she wanted to break it off. She was complete wreck and wound up changing her ISP, phone number, and taking in a male roomate because she feared for her safety!



6. back in 2000, i threw my husband out because i found out that he was having cyberaffairs/sex with 2 women in states FAR away from us. do you think that cybersex is actually cheating? why or why not? Boy, this is hard; on the one hand, they're not physically engaged during sex, so where's the cheating? A physical kiss has not transpired between them.



On the other hand, relationships should have a foundation of intimacy, if your partner's having cybersex and spending hours chatting with others, then intimacy with their online partner does exist on some level. And, nine out ot ten times, the intimacy level your real life relationship is greatly diminished or non-existent, right?



So, the cyberaffair/sex liaison does impact the real life relationship. They're not as polarized as some would have you believe. There's a level of commitment

that exists and takes time away from the real life primary relationship.



7. off-topic for a sec - the macintosh computer turns 20 today. love 'em or hate 'em? why or why not? Love them, I just can't afford one. In 1984 I started on a 128K Macintosh. That little computer opened entired vistas for me and it was a workhorse until 1992 when I retired it and switched to a WinTel machine.



I had to. All the business related applications were dominated by the WinTel machine and less expensive to buy. Apple Compuer Inc. has kept the prices inflated believing that it's better to be viewed as the 'Beemer of Computers'. So be it, I don't need to pay Beemer prices to do everyday things!



8. do you have any suggestions for me in case i find someone who answers my 'ad' to be interesting and safe? or do you think i should withdraw it completely? Girl, do I have suggestions:



Meet him in a public place. Do not allow him to pick you up at your home or job. If you can, meet in a coffeehouse/restaurant in a town 20 miles from you.



Let someone know his name, online handle, where you're meeting and the time. If you can, have a friend accompany you in a separate car so they can 'eyeball your date' and then leave at their leisure.



Have him identify to you what he'll be wearing or what he'll have that's distinguishing, so you won't arrive totally blind and waiting. The last thing you need is for him to show up, not identify himself to you, and follow you home. Too many women willingly distinguish themself to thier prospective date without requiring reciprocation.



If you decide he's not for you, take your time leaving and entering your vehicle. A license plate number can divulge a lot of information about a person at a price.



Don't be too forthcoming with details about your personal life and family. Remember, this could be the first date of many. Play it safe and don't lose yourself!